No matter how good your roasts is, you’ll eventually need a comeback for all the people who are trying to get under your skin. There are plenty of comebacks for different situations. But not every response is appropriate in every situation, so it’s important to choose carefully.
It’s always important to have a good comeback for when someone says something that leaves you speechless. You need to be able to quickly gather your thoughts and say something witty in return.
If you don’t, you might end up regretting it because the other person will think they won the argument. Here are some of our favorite good roasts, and comebacks for common insults.
You are as unsatisfying as cold french fries.
You must have been born on a highway because that’s where most accidents happen.
Maybe you should eat some makeup so you can be pretty on the inside too.
If someone calls you gay says yes I am straight then the pole your Mom dance on.
Revenge? Nah, I am too lazy. I am not gonna sit here and get Karma up.
Some people are like clouds when they disappear. It’s a beautiful day.
Let’s play Truth or Dare! Oh wait we can only play dare, you don’t know how to tell the truth.
When someone asks what you are thinking about
I hope no one ever finds the body.
No need for insults, your face is one all by itself.
Mirrors can’t talk. Lucky for you, they can’t laugh either.
Only thing that is pleasing about our relationship is that you are no longer in it.
When someone you don’t like falls: OMG is the floor okay!
If someone calls you a b****
yes I am a b**** just not yours.
Zombies eat brains. You are safe.
I’d slap you. But that’d be animal abuse.
Hey, you have something on your chin… no, the 3rd one down.
If somebody accuses you of being nasty
I’m an Angel! Honest! The horns are just there to keep the halo up straight.
When someone calls you crazy
I may be Crazy. But crazy is better than stupid.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I have 5 fingers, the 3rd ones for you.
See also: Orphans Quotes
I’m not saying I hate you, but I would unplug your life support to charge my phone.
I don’t know what’s worse… Your IQ or your hairline.
Honey, only thing bothering me is placed between your ears.
If you say you are Cooler Than Me… does that make me hotter than you?
You’re fat and I’m not gonna sugarcoat it because you’ll eat that too.
It’s better to let someone think you are an idiot than to open your mouth and prove it.
I love what you’ve done with your hair. How do you get it to come out of the nostrils like that?
If I throw a stick, will you leave me too?
Whatever doesn’t kill you, disappoints me.
Have a nice day… somewhere else.
I told my therapist about you; she didn’t believe me.
See also: Attitude Quotes
When I look at you, I think to myself where have you been my whole life? Can you go back there?
You are not the dumbest person on the planet but you sure better hope he doesn’t die.
There is someone out there for everyone. For you, it’s a therapist.
I know you don’t like me, that says a lot. You need to acquire a better taste.
I don’t hate you, but if you were drowning, I would give you a high five.
I am not ignoring you; I am just giving you a time to understand what you just said.
When an immature person says you have changed
I didn’t change, I grew up. You should try it sometime.
Did you know your incubator had tinted windows? That explains a lot.
The trash gets picked up tomorrow. Be ready.
I treasure the time. I don’t spend time with you.
When I listen to you, I think you really going to go far. I hope you stay there.
Of course I talk like an idiot. How else could you understand me?
You are the sun in my life… now get 93 million miles away from me.
It’s all about balance… you start talking, I stop listening.
The last time I saw something like you, it was behind metal grids.
You didn’t change since last time I saw you. You should.
If I wanted to kill myself, I would simply jump from your ego to your IQ.
I didn’t mean to offend you… but it was a huge plus.
You are the reason why there are instructions on shampoo bottles.
I don’t know what makes you so stupid, but it works.
It is hilarious how you are trying to fit your entire vocabulary into one sentence.
I like the way you comb your hair, so horns don’t show up.
See also: Funny Quotes
You’re the reason God created the middle finger.
It’s impossible to underestimate you.
Keep rolling your eyes, you might eventually find a brain.
Oops, my bad. I could’ve sworn I was dealing with an adult.
Did I invite you to the barbecue? Then why are you all up in my grill?
Our kid must have gotten his brain from you! I still have mine.
Oh, you don’t like being treated the way you treat me? That must suck.
Hold still. I’m trying to imagine you with personality.
Her teeth were so bad she could eat an apple through a fence.
If your brain was dynamite, there wouldn’t be enough to blow your hat off.
I’m not insulting you, I’m describing you.
I’ve been called worse things by better men.
You are more disappointing than an unsalted pretzel.
Few Thoughts about Good Comebacks
A good comeback can save you from being embarrassed or taken advantage of. If you are confident in what you have to say, there is nothing better than being able to take the lead in a conversation.
A good comeback can help keep your self-esteem high and give you the confidence needed to take care of yourself.
The Best Funny Insults
Somewhere tree is producing oxygen for you. I’m sorry for it.
I thought of you today. It reminded me to take out the trash.
Why are you rolling your eyes? Are you looking for your brain?
It is better to shut your mouth and make people think you are stupid than open it and remove all doubt.
Where is your off button?
Let me tell you. If I don’t answer you the first time, what makes you think the next 25 will work?
Your face makes onions cry.
Every time I think you can’t get any dumber, you are proving me wrong.
Light travels faster than sound, which is why you seemed bright until you spoke.
Your kid is so annoying he makes his Happy Meal cry.
We were happily married for one month, but unfortunately, we’ve been married for 10 years.
Your secrets are always safe with me. I never even listen when you tell me them.
Your face is just fine, but we’ll have to put a bag over that personality.
You hear that? It’s the sound of me not caring.
I’d tell you to blow your brains out, but I’m pretty certain there’s nothing there.
When God made you, you must have been on the bottom of his “to-do” list.
I know I make stupid choices, but you’re the worst of all my choices.
God wanted to spice the earth with jokes, and he made your kind.
Remember, if anyone says you’re beautiful, it’s all lies.
The good books say to make good friends, but I think I made a mistake.
I think you just need a high five… in the face… with a chair.
Oh, sorry, did the middle of my sentence interrupted the beginning of yours?
I look at you and think what a waste of two billion years of the evolution.
You can’t imagine how much happiness you can bring… by leaving the room.
Best Roasts For Enemies
Don’t worry – the first 40 years of childhood are always the hardest.
I didn’t mean to push your buttons, I was just looking for mute.
When I see you coming, I get pre annoyed. I’m just giving myself a head start.
I can’t wait to spend my whole life without you.
Don’t worry about me. Worry about your eyebrows.
If you’re going to be two-faced, at least make one of them pretty.
If I had a dollar every time you shut up, I would give it back as a thank you.
Don’t be ashamed of who you are. That’s your parents’ job.
I may love to shop, but I will never buy your bull.
I’ll never forget the first time we met. But I’ll keep trying.
I’d rather treat my baby’s diaper rash than have lunch with you.
You are like a cloud. When you disappear, it’s a beautiful day.
You’re a gray sprinkle on a rainbow cupcake.
I was today years old when I realized I didn’t like you.
N’Sync said it best, “BYE, BYE, BYE!”
You bring everyone so much joy! You know, when you leave the room. But, still.
Whoever told you to be yourself, gave you a bad advice.
Remember that time you were saying that thing I didn’t care about? Yeah, that is now.
OH MY GOD! IT SPEAKS!
I would call you an idiot, but it would be an insult for stupid people.
Someday you’ll go far. And I really hope you stay there.
Hurting you is the least thing I want to do… but it’s still in the list.
You are like a software update. every time I see you, I immediately think “not now”.
How many licks until I get to the interesting part of this conversation?
Wow, your maker really didn’t waste time giving you a personality, huh?
I’m not a nerd; I’m just smarter than you.
You are the human version of period cramps.
I wish I had a flip phone, so I could slam it shut on this conversation.
I’m busy right now, can I ignore you another time?
Why Roasts Are The Best Way To Handle A Comeback
There’s nothing quite like a good roast to put someone in their place. If someone has been acting up and needs to be put back in line, a roast is the perfect way to do it. Roasts are funny, sharp, and brutal, and they always get the point across.
Plus, roasts make for great comebacks. If someone has insulted you, roasted you, or just been generally unpleasant, roasting them back is the perfect way to get revenge. It’s satisfying, it’s empowering, and it always makes people laugh.
So if you need to handle a comeback, don’t hesitate to roast your opponent. It’s the best way to show them who’s boss.